Escaping the Roommate Phase: How to Keep the Fire Alive

Welcome back to The Full Life Crew Marriage Podcast blog! This week, Deb and I are tackling a topic that sneaks up on almost every married couple at some point: the dreaded "roommate phase."

If you've ever felt like you and your spouse are just co-managers of your household—passing each other in the hallway, coordinating schedules, and high-fiving over completed chores rather than actually connecting—this episode is for you.

What is the Roommate Phase?

The roommate phase happens when the logistics of life take over the romance. You are still living together, paying bills together, and functioning as a unit, but the intimacy, the spark, and the intentional connection have faded into the background. You've stopped being lovers and best friends, and you've become... well, roommates.

The Kid Shift: How We Got Here

In the very beginning of our relationship, it was just us. We had all the time in the world to focus solely on each other. But then the kids came along. And when you are raising eight kids, your entire universe naturally shifts to focus on them.

You pour your energy into their needs, their schedules, and making sure they grow up to be good humans. Add in the demands of running a business, and suddenly at the end of the day, there is barely any energy left for your marriage. It is so easy to put your relationship on the back burner, assuming it will just be there waiting for you when things calm down.

It's All About the Little Things

So, how do you escape the roommate phase? We've found that the answer isn't usually in grand, expensive gestures or massive vacations. It is all about the little things. It is the intentional, everyday habits that rebuild the bridge between you two. It’s making sure you actually look at each other when you speak. It’s a text in the middle of a busy workday just to say, "I'm thinking about you." It’s grabbing her favorite coffee, holding hands in the car, and choosing to sit close on the couch after the house finally goes quiet. The little things are the kindling that keeps the fire burning.

Building for the Future

We are fighting against the roommate phase now because we are playing the long game. The kids won't live under our roof forever. One day, it will be just the two of us again. And when that day comes and the house is quiet, we want to look across the table and see our best friend, not a stranger we lost touch with twenty years ago. We are doing the work now with the little things so that when the kids are gone, the fire in our relationship is still roaring.

To hear our full conversation and the practical ways we keep the spark alive amidst the chaos, tune into the latest episode of The Full Life Crew Marriage Podcast!