Let's get the obvious objection out of the way: we have eight kids. We know what you're thinking. Easy for you to say.

But that's exactly why we're saying it. Because if we can make date night happen with eight kids, a business, a podcast, and a schedule that would make most people's heads spin — you can too.

And more importantly: you have to.

What Happens When You Stop

We didn't always prioritize it. There were seasons — especially when the kids were young and the money was tight — where date nights felt like a luxury we couldn't afford. So we skipped them. Weeks turned into months. We told ourselves we'd get back to it when things calmed down.

Things didn't calm down. They never do.

What happened instead was slow and quiet and easy to miss: we stopped being us. We were still parents together, still managing the household together, still technically a team. But we weren't friends anymore. We weren't choosing each other. We were just coexisting in the same house, orbiting the same kids, running the same routines.

It took a hard conversation — one of those conversations — to name what had happened. And what had happened was that we'd stopped investing in the marriage itself.

Date Night Is Maintenance, Not Romance

Here's the reframe that changed everything for us: date night isn't about romance. It's about maintenance.

You change the oil in your car not because it's exciting, but because if you don't, the engine seizes. Date night is the same thing. It's not about candlelight and grand gestures. It's about two people making time to be with each other — without an agenda, without the kids, without the to-do list.

It's saying: you matter more than the schedule.

That message, repeated consistently over years, builds something. It builds trust. It builds intimacy. It builds the kind of marriage where, when things get hard — and they will get hard — you actually want to fight for it together.

What It Doesn't Have to Be

It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It doesn't have to be a full evening out.

Some of our best dates have been a drive to get ice cream after the kids went to bed. A walk around the neighborhood after dinner. Sitting on the back porch with a cup of coffee and no phones.

The point isn't the activity. The point is the attention. You're giving your spouse your undivided presence — which, in a house full of kids and demands, is the rarest gift you can give.

The Logistics (Because You're Going to Ask)

Yes, you need a babysitter. Or a trusted family member. Or a trade with another couple. Yes, it takes planning. Yes, sometimes it falls through and you have to reschedule.

Do it anyway.

Put it on the calendar like a doctor's appointment. Don't cancel it for things that aren't emergencies. Protect it the way you'd protect anything else that matters to you.

Because here's the truth: your kids need you to have a strong marriage more than they need you to be available every single night. The best thing you can do for your children is love their other parent well — and that requires investment.

Start This Week

You don't need to wait for the perfect moment. Pick a night in the next two weeks. Arrange childcare. Go somewhere — anywhere. Leave the phones in the car for the first hour.

Talk about something other than the kids, the bills, or the schedule. Ask each other something you haven't asked in a while. Laugh if you can.

It won't fix everything. But it's a start. And starts matter.

— Jareth & Deb